Work Life Balance Resolution

Another biggie I worked on last year... and it's still a work in progress! Having one of those jobs you can never quite finish makes it hard to draw a line under each day and quit. At the end of the day there's always a job undone - a pile of books still to catalogue, planning that is still to be finished, teaching resources to be created, a policy in need of attention or some adjustment to the school website, and sometimes it is all of those and more. For me, the temptation is to do just one more thing and more often than not I have had the cleaners kick me out at 5.30. I'd then go home and put in another couple of hours after 10 at night. Each morning I'll walk in and it's as if the work waiting for me was the magic pudding, though I'd bitten off a large chunk the night before, there was another chunk to replace it. I have always worked late at school. It started in my first years of teaching when it was not uncommon that my car was the last in the car park and the cleaners were telling me to go (not a lot has changed). As a young single woman and even as a young married one this wasn't an issue. I only had myself, the cat and later my husband to answer for and as long as a meal appeared at some stage of the evening all three of us were happy. It became an issue when I had children. As a full time working mother my time with them was precious (and still is) I knew that I wanted and needed to spend as much time as possible with them, however I would feel guilty walking out "early" (as I termed it). Some of this guilt stemmed from a passing comment made by a principal one afternoon in the late 80s. At that stage I generally worked until 6 most days. On this particular day I was leaving "early" to get to the shops to buy some new shoes. As I walked through the office at 4.00pm he said "Hmm Leaving early???" "Yes I have to buy new work shoes" I said - indicating my very worn out shoes "That's what the weekends are for" was his reply. His tone said "I would have expected better of you". Now despite the fact that I was well within my rights to leave then, in fact the majority of staff had already left (including the deputy) I felt incredibly guilty. Stupid wasn't I? Slip forward some 18 years in time... Still working late. Still feeling guilty if I had to leave early. When I embarked on my weight loss and get fit program, I began to realise was that in order to become fit, I would either have to start getting up earlier or knock off work earlier. Getting up earlier meant bed earlier. Some of my best thinking is done after 10.00pm and I am not a morning person, so I figured the answer was that I have to leave work earlier. I have now set myself a finishing time of 4.00 (4.30 on staff meeting days). School has been over for over an hour at that point. Nearly everyone else has also left, so it means that it is highly unlikely that someone will want to use the library at that time. Leaving at 4 means that I can do half an hour in the gym, talk with a consultant if I need, pop into the shops on my way home to pick up meat or veges and still be home by 6.00pm. That gives me time to prepare dinner, spend a few minutes in the garden before dark and just generally unwind. I have the option of still doing some work in the evenings, but am finding that I often just need to veg out and recharge. I have found that one of the benefits of having a definite finishing time is that I am using that hour in the afternoon more efficiently. I set myself one task to complete that is "do-able" for that time allocation and because I hate coming back to things, I think it motivates me to work just that little bit faster and harder. I now refuse to feel guilty as I walk out the door on time. It took me a long time to realise as I walked out the deserted car park at 5.30 that no-one knew or cared what time I was leaving. No-one was handing out medals to the last person to leave the site. If I didn't ever return for whatever reason tomorrow, no-one was going to say, well I'm glad she stayed back to finish that job as I sure didn't want to - no-one would notice!

Hoarders....

New Year's Resolution - get organised.
Just finished watching Hoarders. It's a guilty pleasure - possibly because these people have more stuff and disorder in their lives than I do, so that even when the house is in a state of utter chaos (as it is at present) at least it's not as bad as some of those homes.
What is the attraction of the show Hoarders? Perhaps it's a feeling of superiority -my place may be messy but after all no-one's ever found a mummified cat in my house! Is it that vicarious interest in other people's lives?
I really feel for these people - most want order and a clean home (some don't though) but don't seem to know where to start. The physical and emotional pain they display when their stuff is removed is palpable.
I know I have difficulty in getting rid of stuff, half of me thinks that it is good stuff, I should hang onto it for a garage sale, but another part of me thinks - be realistic, when do you have time for a garage sale - just get rid of it! Let a charity benefit from the good stuff and ditch the rest.
A big issue is the sorting. Some stuff is good, some is purely trash. It can be quite draining just making those decisions - Let me show you how my mind works. I have a broken crystal wine glass in the kitchen. Can I throw it out? Maybe after typing this I will!. Why have I kept it? Well for one even in it's broken state, it's still quite pretty. There are sentimental reasons. It was one of a pair bought to celebrate Michael coming to Brisbane to help me move to Townsville. They were the first really good glasses I had bought. One broke quite early in our marriage. They were used at all of our major celebrations. Throwing it out would not destroy the memory of those times. I don't need it as a story telling prop to retell about those times, so when it broke, why didn't I just feel regret and throw it out like I had for the partner? Well for one it was the sole remaining one(is that tautilogical?) I had an attachment to it. I also had seen a craft idea where broken stemware was used to mount highly embroidered beautiful pincushions and I thought that this would be a gorgeous way to create a memento of a treasured item. To repurpose it and help it live again. Who am I kidding? It has sat in my kitchen for a couple of years now, I haven't even gathered the velvet, beads and other stuff to turn it into a gorgeous pincushion. Will I turn it into a gorgeous pincushion in the next month? Will I ever sit down to make a gorgeous pincushion and say, gee I wish I hadn't thrown that stem out? No. Get real Sharon!
So that leads to my issue of sorting. Take my craft stuff. (please!!!) There is stuff I want to keep: scrapbooking stuff, paint, paint brushes and a small amount of fabric and wool. All the rest can go - some stuff should be donated to charity and some stuff - faded things, small things, things that have broken should be sorted. I don't want to burden charities with unsaleable stuff, nor do I want to send stuff to landfills that is still useable. This is what takes the time - making the three piles because you can sometimes spend too much time making decisions about trivial things. Take a 5cm scrap of lace - still good, not stained or ripped. Do I keep it for scrapbooking, donate to charity or throw it out? The rational person says throw it out, but I have to agonise over it!The same process may happen over a small scrap of gorgeous fabric - perhaps that could be used in a crazy patch quilt, or made into a fabulous flower.
I am getting better at lightening the load. I have over the past two years started applying the William Morris principle to my stuff "If you want a golden rule that will fit everything, this is it: Have nothing in your house that you do not know to be useful, or believe to be beautiful." Great words to live buy and such a simple test.
I started in my kitchen. An example - I had 6 rolling pins. I had my original rolling pin, a decorative one painted by my father, a miniature one given to me by a friend, another bought for icing cakes (it didn't have the dints of my everyday rolling pin) and 2 other wooden rolling pins bought for the kids to use when they were little and liked to play with play dough. 3 went to charity immediately. My original, and the two kids play ones. I no longer iced cakes, so the dintless one would be the one I kept. I kept the other two decorative ones. I will be getting rid of the minature one later this month when I tackle the kitchen again. The one Dad painted will have a stay of execution, but I may need to find a function for it.
I have found I work better when I do things in small chunks. One cupboard in room at a time.
Even though my craft room is desperate, of more immediate concern is my clothing. As I am losing weight so much of my clothing is not fitting me and I have to buy more. I have so much that I fill my wardrobe, armoire, dressing table and half of the wardrobe in my craft room and still have some stuff in baskets. I want to get everything to fit into the one wardrobe and my cupboards.
I have done an initial prune. I sent all of my winter gear to charity 3 weeks ago. I now need to try on my summer gear.In this case I need to adjust the William Morris quote to be "Beautiful and useful" Clothes that are too big now need to be sent to charity. The top I wore today is a bit too baggy now to be stylish (it is still beautiful, but on me is not beautiful and is certainly no longer useful). It needs to be washed and put into a charity bag by the end of the week.
I need to rationalise the clothing that fits. I sorted it the other day. I have over 10 black blouses. I know I don't need that many. I have to decide which ones are beautiful and not just useful and cull the others. If it doesn't have a matching top or bottom, it may be beautiful but it is not useful and so must go. So my aim this week is to get that sorted.
So back to Hoarders. I think I am a recovering hoarder. How do I know?
I can now pass up a bargain if I don't need it.
I no longer feel the need to hang onto household stuff because the kids may need it if they ever move out of home.
Just because something was given to me by someone I love, I don't need to keep it just for that reason. I know that someone who loves me may feel a little pang if they know I gave something away that they gave me, but they will still love me.
I don't need to keep jars, plastic containers and boxes because they may come in handy. If I can't see an immediate use - into the recycling it goes.
I have come to realise I don't need 45 pretty mugs. If 45 of my closest friends ever drop around, they better bring their own mugs because I have less than 20!

Losing weight and getting fit or how the weight loss fairy failed to materialise.

Another 2011 resolution - lose weight and get fit.
When your youngest child will shortly turn 15 you have to face the fact that you can't claim your excess weight is just "baby" fat. It may have begun that way, but after 14 and a half years, it should not still be there. I was fat and unfit. Stairs would leave me puffing and I was certainly not as limber as I had been. I had tried a couple of times to lose weight. Joined a gym and loved it. I felt fit and a lot happier. The weight slowly started to move but I found I was having to spend longer and longer at the gym and my 3 days a week for 1/2 an hour was turning into 5 days for an hour and as I often didn't leave work until 5.30 that was cutting into my family time, getting home starving at 7.00 to cook something quick and simple like pasta. I couldn't sustain it. The kids were suffering lack of attention and I was missing that lovely evening time when I pop into my garden for 15 minutes or so to water the plants and just "power down" for a bit.
I tried shakes and limited calorie diets. A few of the girls at school had had great results. Once again success for a while but I love good food and enjoy eating and was so bored with it. On the shakes I constantly craved carbs and it was an effort not to sneak a spoonful of mashed potato or a slice of bread and eventually when I fell of the wagon, I felt great! The limited calorie diets were just a pain - two little quirks I have - I prefer not to read instructions and I don't weigh and measure (except roughly when I make cakes!)
Lately though, no matter what I did the weight kept creeping on. I ate less and less, felt perpetually lacking in energy at felt pretty rotten about myself. Still I did nothing about it apart from cutting my sugar intake. I was waiting for the weight loss fairy to wave her magic wand!
A trip to the doctor after some routine blood tests woke me up. My normally quite happy and accepting doctor was quite stern and basically "read me the riot act. She didn't mince her words - Another reading like this and you'll be classed as a diabetic. We talked. I talked about the issue of irregular meals and putting everyone else before me when it came to exercising - basically giving her a whole range of excuses. I'm not sure what I was thinking - perhaps that the weight loss fairy would pop out of her desk drawer and say "Oh Sharon. You've explained yourself perfectly - of course you can't lose weight. But I know that you are a good person so I will wave my magic wand and you will be thin." The weight loss fairy stayed resolutely hidden. Instead my doctor suggested things I could try. Join a support group, see a nutritionist, she knew of a weight loss centre that had been quite successful. She wanted me to have a blood test in 2 months time and we would see where we were. I thanked her and left feeling pretty depressed.
I did a lot of soul searching and decided no more excuses. I would put myself first and DO something about it. I want to be an old lady. I want to be a very old burden to my children!! Two days later I popped into the centre my doctor had mentioned just to make inquiries and as with many other things I jumped in with both boots.
That was the best thing I have done for myself. A lot of discussion about why I wanted to lose weight, what my goals were and who I could enlist as support people, an explanation of the eating and exercise plan and some very embarrassing photos and measurements later, I was ready to start. I couldn't start the circuit immediately as they needed a waver from the doctor, but I did start the eating plan and I ate and ate and ate. 3 meals and 2 snacks a day! Piles of food.I ate food that I had never eaten (except illegally) on a diet before - bacon, cheese, cream, avocado, mayonnaise! I ate mountains of spinach, zucchini, broccoli, cabbage and cauliflower. How could I possibly lose weight eating this amount? But I did.
I wondered how I would manage the no grains and no potatoes, particularly as they formed such a large part of my diet. I love bread, but haven't really missed it (apart from when I smell really fresh bread). I still serve pasta, rice and potatoes to the skinny members of my family, not as often as in the past. I just bulk my meal up with veges - spinach, zucchini and asparagus being my favourites. I have learned new ways to thicken stews and sauces. Have experimented with different foods (I am enjoying tofu for the first time in my life)
Some 3 months down the track I have lost 10kg and over 30cm. I have muscle tone in my arms and legs again and can see my old face emerging! I have a waistline again! My nails are strong and healthy and my skin looks a lot healthier. I can jog again and am enjoying exercise. I still have a long way to go. I am at 20% of my goal but this way of living is do-able, in fact enjoyable and I am in no hurry. I know there will be times when I will not lose weight and even put some on. I have faced this already. I have enjoyed morning teas, meals out, birthdays and Christmas (and we still have Christmas cake in the fridge untouched!) I am happy to keep up this amount of exercise and I can happily eat in this fashion for the rest of my life - it doesn't feel like a diet as I don't keep looking at things thinking I can eat you again when I lose weight.
On reflection maybe the weight loss fairy really was in the doctor's drawer that morning. She just needed me to join her as an active partner before she waved her wand.